My friend just wrote me that I am not alone. His words like magic reminded me of not to look weak. Yes, I am not alone! I wrote back.
There are millions of women, men, children around the world laying awake, no food, no clean air, no love, no happiness. it is still 3am. I cannot sleep.
Yet here I am having this feeling, I really really REALLY wanna be held. For what? Just because I had a rough emotionally abusive relationship that just dawned on me recently that it really was? And after ending my marriage for what? Maybe I just needed a diversion to finally understand that I was indeed being emotionally abused. I was strong. Even though it isn’t what it was last year, I am happy I did somehow got over this abusive marriage. Well, I still haven’t…little steps. I will one day. I will get by. I will focus on my work, my studies, my family and my friends.
And you know that saying when you really need someone and they just get cold on you? Well, its true. Sometimes, it hurts, people do get scared when you pour your emotions unto them. Damn, since when did I get this emotional? But when will he or she come to me? Come for me? Haha…the answer is never.
So you wipe your tears girl, get the fuck up and fight, and be there for others, when they need you. When they want you, when they need you. You stand up for them. You be there for them. For one day, you will need them by your side, you will need someone to hold you, to care for you. To love you. And you will find her, you will find him.
One day, you will feel rejected. You will hurt deeply. You will know it is not that rosy. But somehow, you’ll still get up and fight, and not look down on yourself. We, those who never show our emotions, those who love without hating, those who see the beauty of love in places others would never see, those who were in the game and started loving again. Feeling again. Those, who were numb and just got their feelings back. Running through, emotional and sky scrapping through. Those, who would rather not pursue because someone will get hurt, people will get hurt, there will be chaos. Well, we do care. And do try to be the bestre versions of ourselves.
Yes puppy doll, you are not alone. So, drop that phone by your bedside table and go to sleep.