I feel good today

One of those days that I decided to let go completely. For weeks I was under emotional stress, realising that the person whom I wanted, chose to  spend the rest of my life with, was toxic for my health and wellbeing.

I did find comfort in the arms of someone I care about deeply. He did not judge me, even though once before I told him I would never give up on my marriage. I was so sure then, that nothing would make me think twice. Somehow along the way it began to occur that there was nothing I could do, not to argue. Somehow the problems began to magnify and seem so hard to compromise. And the wounds seemed to be cut again and again, and I felt like I would never feel good again.

Toxic people do take away the love and the smile you always have. They do enjoy when they have the slightest idea that without them, you are nothing. They have only one thing in their mind – to control you with emotions of jealousy and that you are not good enough. Toxic people tend to exagerrate on how much they have done in your life that you would never repay them. They seem to forget that you have been there with them, through the way guiding and supporting them reach their goal. Oh, toxic partner will never appreciate that you are right, eve when they know the damn truth that you are. 

Toxic people will aim to make you feel like it is your fault to end the toxic relationship. And that they will alwayd want to be the victims of heartbreak while they smile in their little corners with their lovers. Yes, they will tell you horrible words that you never heard in your life and blame you for saying those words. They will tell you, you started that shit.

I do feel good because for once I am really taking steps in removing the toxicity from my life. My friend told me I had lost focus and slowed down. Yes, he saw through me, I did slow down. It is so difficult to heal when you are on the receiving end. But I get back up and focud on things that make me better. Things that develop me. And of course, back to cooking and learning new recipes!


One thought on “I feel good today

  1. You have said it all! It is hard to heal, when you are/have been sat upon for too long. Each of us defines ‘too long’ differently, but looking back, for me, that is at the sign of that very first imbalance of power move. Women especially, have this irrational ‘voice’ in us that says, ‘We can fix this’, and we must cease that nonsense. What we CAN fix is ourselves, our situation and circumstances. It is self-belief and the esteem that tells us that our worth, value and truth is worth too much to settle for anything less than respect, and when someone shows you who they are, believe them that very first time. Then run, ladies![men, too] We are not to blame and never were.

    Your strength exhibited in your writing is the best healing, for you are not only informing one person, but everyone. That’s how you benefit the world and truly work through the healing process towards your own self-actualization. Thanks again for sharing your stories!


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